We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
