I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
