Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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