She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
