atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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