we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
