The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
