im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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