It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
