my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
