every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
