wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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