I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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