i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
