Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
