Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
