Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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