I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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