You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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