I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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