I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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