you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drunk is not a location!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
