So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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