Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
