You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
