Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
