I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
