and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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