i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
