i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
