bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thus making me awesome and them whores
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
