now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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