I heard we made out
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
