Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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