so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
