dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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