hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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