How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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