My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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