I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize