She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
