I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
