There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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