I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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