tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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