They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
