I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My legs feel like baby dolphins
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize