Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
