My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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