Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
