im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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