i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
