Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
