it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
