Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
