I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
as a side note pls kill me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
