So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize