U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
