Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
