On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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