He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want nice things and good sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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