i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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