I wish i was in the wii world.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
