Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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