Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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