Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
