It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
