I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
