he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
