I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
