Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
