mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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