Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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