My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
