I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize