If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
