Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
