Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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