Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
