Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
