my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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