Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
