i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
