I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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