Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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