We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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