I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
