For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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