I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
