Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
