me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize