Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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