Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
