you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
