In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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