Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
