I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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