Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
