just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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