11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
