Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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