i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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