Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
