areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
