At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
