please come you make the beer taste better
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
