this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
