Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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